So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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