I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
