Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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