I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
