im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
