Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
