I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
