somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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