so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
