he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
