shes about as inviting as chlamydia
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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