my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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