We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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