do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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