do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
