I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
