I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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