yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
