Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
