I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
