What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
