it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
