New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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