I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
