I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize