all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
