I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Success! We fucked roommates!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
