I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
