I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
