I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
