He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
