You smell like a Billy Joel song
of course. lets lasso hookers.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
