You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize