Can i not drive my cunt home
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it hurts more in the daytime
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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