i just had sex bonerless
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
