I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
