The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
