Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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