honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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