I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
