Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
