We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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