I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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