Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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