You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize