We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
