none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
