WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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