You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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