I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
