when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
