What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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