I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
