also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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