I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
