Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
