roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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