So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
