When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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