It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
