so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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