margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone signed my nipple.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
