just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
