U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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