nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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