just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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