You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize