how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize