You can't motorboat a personality
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
