my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
