Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
