she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
