you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
