just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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