I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
