You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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