How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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