shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
