You're completely useless in the revolution.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
