its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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