Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
