I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
foreskin is a definite game changer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
