Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A+ Viking dick
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
