after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
