Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
