glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize