It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
