When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
