If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
