What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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