Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
