I have demons in me.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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