i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
