Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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