She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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