From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
