Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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