what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
