I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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