Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
