the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The air taste purple.
Randomize
