life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
