mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
