they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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