I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
