just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
