i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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