FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
