Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
