party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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