Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
