I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
50% drunk capacity currently
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize