I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
