I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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