what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
