my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
