Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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