My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
