I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
