I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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